Brother-isms.

Something I've said many times before (and fervently still regard as true) is that I could write an entire novel solely based on the crazy things my brothers say. This isn't a novel or anything close to one, but I figured I'd share the hilariousness and show everyone why they make my life so much better.

For those of you who don't know, I have two brothers, Josh (17 years old) and Adam (10 years old). That's just for the sake of putting these situations in perspective. Since neither of them have identities yielding public influence or black market value, I think we're all good.

Adam walks into my room.

A: "Time to eat."

Me: "Alright, I'll be down in a few minutes."

A: (stands there awkwardly)

Me: "What?"

A: (quietly) "Uhh...do you, uhm...know why mom hates Josh?"

Me: (laughing) "She doesn't hate Josh. She's just upset with him because he never listens to her."

A: "Oh well, he's dumb. She yells stuff to him like a million times."

Josh and I at the store.

J: "Hey Dave, you heard of that new Xbox game, Luh Nory? Looks pretty sweet."

Me: "No...can't say I have. What's it look like?"

J: (holds up case)

Me: "That's LA Noire. It's French."

J: "Looks like Luh Nory to me."

Adam talking to my mom about me leaving for Florida.

Mom: "So, David got accepted by the program. He's gonna be moving to Disney World!"

A: "Yeah. How long?"

Mom: "He's leaving in August and he'll be back mid-January."

A: (tearing up) "So, what you're telling me is that I'm losing my only brother?"

Mom: "We'll go see him! It's only for a few months. And your only brother? Josh, hello?"

A: (snapping back) "Duh, mom! My only brother in COLLEGE."

Josh and I at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC.

J: "That little house out there is probably for like servants and stuff."

Me: "It's still pretty big though."

J: "Yeah, everything here is."

Me: "It's probably like one of their bathrooms or something. That whole house."

J: (chuckles) "Yeah, it's like the house of dump."

Adam and I watching "Regular Show."

A: "Hey Dave, you and I should dress up as Mordecai and Rigby for Halloween because you're tall and I'm short."

Me: "That would be pretty awesome."

A: "Yeah, we could ride around in a golf cart and every time we got to a house say, "Candyyyy! Oooooohhhhhhhhh!"

(Bee tee dubbs, I got my apartment and check-in assignment for the program yesterday! 172 days and counting.)