Monday, March 21, 2011

Fed Up.

Someone has needed to say this for a very long time. I've taken the liberty, but just know that I don't get any joy from this. To be honest, it's actually a little sickening.

I don't like admitting I'm wrong. I utterly despise being on the losing side of an argument. Regardless of that fact, if I'm truly convicted about whatever I did, I'll eventually make it right. But when I don't feel like I've done anything wrong, when I feel no conviction whatsoever about the situation whether due to ignorance or out of disagreement with my supposed wrongdoing, I shouldn't have to apologize. I will not apologize.

I'm sick of being blamed for the sins and the shortcomings of others, for being considered guilty by association. I'm sick of others feeling they have the authority to "test" me, to deem my actions (and my inactions) right or wrong. Arguing my innocence against stubborn perceptions is exhausting. It's like arguing with a Stairmaster.

You can attempt to provide a mock psychoanalysis of my mind. You can try to prove that I'm in the wrong. You can cut my friends down, cut me down. Better yet, you can pick me apart piece by agonizing piece. But unless I feel in my heart of hearts that God Himself disapproves of my actions, I will not succumb to the will of my critics.

And I will not, under any circumstances, apologize.