Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Young man, there's no need to feel down.

For the past several months, I've been a fairly active member at the local Y.M.C.A.

Besides working out, there's really not much else to do there. However, a few of the people there have proven to be almost as entertaining as a reality television show. While I don't know them personally, I've been around them enough to recognize their weird, disturbing, and/or questionable behavior.

One guy, I call him Coach, is the type of dad who lives vicariously through his children. Clipboard in hand, Coach drags his tubby son, who is all of 10 years old, to the gym with him and proceeds to bark orders at him.



Honestly, I'm not certain what this small child could possibly be training for. A place on the T-ball team, perhaps? It's funny, but I don't think I've ever seen Coach get on a machine himself. I hear he's in the running for the Father-of-the-Year award.

The next person, a little black woman, is probably the most intimidating Raquetball player I've ever encountered. Donning her blue tinted goggles and her imported, ivory-handled raquet, she goes onto the court and literally dominates every person brave enough to face her. She's known for deafening her opponent with a high-pitched battle cry right before she scores. You can practically hear her from the street outside.

One of her more recent victims, my dad, makes it a point to avoid her for fear that she might ask him to play her again. She's that good, no joke.

And last, but not least, there's Reading Man. Every week, he comes wearing the same shirt, a Y.M.C.A. member tee from the 70s, and every week, he follows the same routine. I'm convinced he's been lying to his wife for years, telling her that he's going to work out. But he doesn't come for the exercise.

In truth, he's sat on just about every machine in the facility. However, he's never actually used one the way it's intended. Reading Man does just what his name says, he reads. He sits on an elliptical for 10 to 20 minutes with the latest issue of Time, then nonchalantly heads over to a stairmaster with the newspaper, and finally, to appear as if he's been exercising, takes a minute or two to stretch and head over to the magazine rack again.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. at the Y.M.C.A.

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