Commercials.

You're familiar with them. Those short, monotonous advertisements in between segments of our beloved television programs.

Despite the nuisance of the interruption of the show, the creators of these 30-second clips of torture, typically theme them to a catchy jingle sung their tone-deaf grandchildren or some other family member that should NOT be on television. Namely, businesses with "surplus" or "salvage" in the title which, in Tennessee, is an uncanny amount.

I suppose their intentions are noble, they need to get their business noticed somehow. But consider extremely large corporations with thousands of stores across America, take for instance Macy's.

Undoubtely, the owner has so much money, he'll never use it all before his death. I mean, how else can you afford a massive group of celebrities including but not limited to: Martha Stewart, Donald Trump, and Jessica Simpson.

Well...that last one would probably be alot cheaper...

Oh wow, that was bad. Forgive me, Jess.

Another clear sign of too much money is their ability to advertise on every square-inch of the globe. Seriously, there isn't a Macy's within 200 miles of my house, but yet they feel the need to advertise during every commercial break on NBC.

It would not suprise me if people in Uganda have seen Macy's commercials. Quite possibly, Macy's gave them the TV to watch it.

Other than owning the rights to several expensive (and one not so expensive) stars, I've discovered that Macy's also owns the fabric of space and time. How else is it possible to have a "ONE DAY ONLY Sale" everyday of the year? Just saying.