Saturday, February 13, 2010

C-List Drama. (Because it's not good enough for the A-List.)

Through the many months of Craigslist dealings, I've dealt with my fair share of jerks, snobs, and spammers. However recently, I came across one...peach...who made even the worst of cyber-jerks seem like Donny Osmond. From the first email he (or she) sent me, I saw an opportunity to eloquently put an idiot in their rightful place, so I took it.

Apparently, I posted an ad in the incorrect category, a mistake on my part. Although, to this particular individual, this mistake was a matter of life and death. Therefore, this person decided to very crudely harass me about my obvious lack of education and failure to follow cyber-rules.

It went down like this:

Disclaimer: The following conversation contains somewhat-rude exchanges and has been edited for content.

Jerk:  There is an entire category on CL called "WANTED". And then try and get an education. And why don't you try to write English? Or is that above your intelligence level?

(Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...)

Me:  Why don't you get a life? Do you seriously have nothing better to do than email me on how to use the internet? Get off your butt (which is probably the size of a house from sitting on the computer harrassing people all day) and go do something resourceful.

(Abrasive? Yes, but they deserved it.)

Jerk:  Why don't you follow CL's rules? Get an education. And lastly why don't you kiss my not fat at all lilly white rear-end!

(It didn't used to say rear-end, I cleaned up most of these.)

Me:  CL has a non-existent "wanted" community, most likely due to trolls like you who scare people away. They haven't deleted my post, therefore it's staying there. Clearly, you have mental health issues on top of your obesity because mocking my education when you can't even correctly utilize punctuation is irony at its finest.

P.S. Kissing your butt is a physical impossibility as you never get off it. Thanks for playing, but no dice.

(Good, huh? I definitely LOLed on that one.)

Jerk: Your uninformed assumptions prove the level of your intelligence. And I would not ride a horse if someone paid me to do it. You are a moron and a fool. Why don't you do humanity a favor and stick a shot gun in your mouth.

(I'm not even kidding about that horse part...seriously, I have no idea.)

Me: I would tell you to do the same, but it would take an extremely high-caliber weapon to pierce the thick coat of fat covering your entire body. Accusing me of making uninformed assumptions it frivilous. You assumed that I cared what your opinion was (And I assure you, I don't) and felt the overwhelming desire to email me, but the fact of the matter is, you have nothing better to do than harass people all day on the internet.

Slim-Fast is on sale at Walmart, by the way. If you can still fit in the car, I'd advise picking some up.

(Thanks for that last line, by the way, Mom.)

The final reply is neither relevant nor appropriate (much like the rest of this individual's emails), but nevertheless, I had my fun. But you have to admit, this self-appointed Chief of Craigslist Police had it coming...

Actually, I kind of hope she/he/it decides to harass me about another one of my ads. Making idiots look even more idiotic really brightens my day.

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