Sunday, September 6, 2009

Construction: Part One.

I haven't written in a few days, and I realize the last post wasn't exactly fun to read, but let me assure you this post is much cheerier than its predecessor.

This weekend, my dad decided we were going to build a deck. This is the third deck we have built as a family, so you'd think our previous experience would be useful. You'd also be terribly wrong. Despite the ominous tone I've just aquired, let me assure you that all went well and we fully constructed it in a little more than a day. Not bad at all, right? Well, the story is how we got there...

Friday after school, practically the moment I walked in the door, my dad was on his way out to Lowes to get the lumber. So, me being the wonderful son I am, threw on some work clothes and accompanied him. We'd already calculated how much of each board we'd need, so it was no time before we had it all loaded onto multiple carts and ready to check out.

From this point on out, various warnings we'll call Red Flags began popping up. Unfortunately, most didn't get through our thick skulls in time to matter...

Red Flag Number One: Right then and there we should have realized that for the first time in our hundreds of visits to Lowes, we had completely filled two carts full of supplies. You've seen those things. They're MASSIVE and built out of the same material as my indestructable cell phone, but yet, they couldn't hold it all. In fact, when pushing the carts our feet were literally sliding on the smooth concrete flooring. Luckily they didn't, but if they had built up too much speed, stopping them would've required an act of God.

Red Flag Number Two: As we were checking out (Yes, we actually made it to the front), the elderly woman behind the counter made casual small talk with my father. She inquired as to what we were building, who was building it, and other various questions to that effect.

Then she asked,

"So, are you three going to load it all on your truck?"

"Yeah, we're gonna throw it in the back of my pickup," dad replied.

"Oh," says the cashier cracking a smile.

The old woman then proceeded to laugh incessantly for the remainder of the time we were in her presence. Clearly, she could see what was coming although we failed to.

Red Flag Number Three: Fortunately, we got outside of the store before the elderly cashier lost her teeth, and we managed to transport all 400+ pounds of lumber to our apparently hilarious pickup truck. Dad had already formulated in his head a method of loading all the wood safely and after loading the first few boards it appeared to be working. It was around board number 20, however, that we realized the tailgate was literally bending from the weight. This tailgate is supported by immense steel cables. No lie. But it was obviously no match for the sheer gravity of our load.

So flag number three? Got through. Message recieved. Three thick skulls penetrated.

Following the almost destruction of the tailgate, we unloaded the wood and took it back inside where the same old woman began laughing. Again.

After brainstorming ideas for several minutes, we found the solution. Unfortunately, it would require more effort than we originally planned for...

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