Sunday, November 11, 2012


I fully believe that God saves those who ask Him to do so. I believe He takes the blame, the punishment, takes it all. However, the force that drives a person to that point of absolution, that I believe is not God directly, but rather something or someone put into place by God.

God saved my soul through salvation. His death upon the cross and my genuine acceptance of that gesture, that gift is what ensures I am saved. But my actual life is a different story. My physical, corrupted existence is full of kinks and blemishes, bouts of depression, sickness, anger, rebellion. I'm not innately good. No self-generated goodness or light shines at my core. There is only humanity, infected with sin.

That being said, things I know that are wrong are alluring. I'm not going to deny it. If you're honest with yourself, you would also admit that temptation is a persistent, daily siege. Human nature doesn't take breaks. There is no down time. God is the only good in me, the only preventative factor keeping me from ruining my life, from destroying myself and my future. However, it's not His face that pops into my head every time I feel conviction.

God has manifested His love to me through my family, my friends, and most importantly, my Molly. They are literal, physical representations of how God always has and always will take care of me. It's why I do what I do, why I fight to separate myself from sin. When I start to lose sight of my morals or goals or just myself, I don't see God's face. I see Molly's. And I think God planned for it to be that way.

I never planned on falling in love so early on in my life. I never intended to actually contemplate marriage and a family and "settling down" at the ripe age of 20. 

But by the grace of God, I did. 

By the grace of God, I fell in love exactly when I needed to, just before I would move to one of the sleeziest cities on the planet to be submersed in temptation, just before I would be presented with an incredible job opportunity that I know in my heart I could never take. She's that extra push towards the right choices, what keeps me sober, keeps me safe.

I believe God saves people in different ways, whether it's through a friend, a job, a disease even. I believe God can use anything. Sometimes we feel like He isn't present, like the going is getting tougher than we can bear, but that's never the case with God.

You may not be able to see God Himself standing there by your side, but if you look're bound to see His love.