Friday, June 25, 2010


Expressing my feelings through writing is not always the best way to deal with them, but sometimes it's the only way. This is one of those times.

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel really down? Like even if you had a friend right there with you, it wouldn't matter? Because you feel that crappy?

I hate those days. And unfortunately, I've been having alot of them lately.

When you become a Christian, you get that overwhelming feeling of joy knowing you'll never truly be alone again. I miss that. It's almost sickening to not have that feeling. I know it's probably wrong, but I've let that lonliness cause doubts. Doubts that run so deep, become so rooted that I actually, for a moment, have lost my grasp of the entire concept of hope.

I'm not intentionally being depressing, and I'm really not normally this way. Promise.

For years, preachers and teachers and friends and family have all drilled into me that feeling isn't believing. Although, sometimes I wish it were. There's a fine line between emotion and actual, mental acceptance of a truth, but beyond that, believing in God requires a spiritual acceptance of the truth as well. How can one even begin to gain legitimate control over the spirit?

There's no right or wrong answer here. Seriously, your best guess is as good as mine.

Whenever I consider the cosmic "grand scheme of things", I get stressed out. That's what I blame for all these random mood swings. Anyways, I'm done pouring out all my thoughts. I'm going to bed.

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