Be warned: rant ahead.
No turning back.
Seriously.
Okay, you asked for it.
I don't know everything about everything. To be honest, I don't know much about anything. This should come as no surprise. But there are a few things of which I am confidently and wholly sure of. One of these is that you should never make any statement, comment, and/or vaguely accusatory interjection about someone you do not know. Basically, it's bad to gossip and start rumors about someone.
And by someone, I mean me.
Facebook, much like Foosball, is of the devil, so naturally, that's where this drama is all spawning from. Initially, I decided to ignore it, but I've slowly felt more and more compelled to address it.
For Valentine's Day, I decided to purchase my beautiful girlfriend of 3 months a ring. She loves Amethyst (that's the purple one for you guys like me whose color knowledge of gems begins and ends with diamonds), so I got her a reasonable-sized, affordable ring, and surprised her with it. I'm precious. I know.
She loved it, I loved that she loved it, happy happy, yes? Yes...until it went on Facebook, the digital love child of gossip and drama.
Granted, several of my close friends and family said several happy, kindhearted things about it and made me smile. But rather unfortunately, this led to some vague but bold comments and messages suggesting, with a negative connotation, that I had proposed. Not to mention, there have been people blowing my phone and my mother's phone (Which, seriously? I'm not even gonna go there.) to give their two cents worth and/or expressing their offense to being excluded from this announcement.
Again, at first, I overlooked all this, but then, I thought about it, and it's really none of their business.
My life is, by all intents and purposes, my life. I care about what [a select group of] people think, yes. But before I make any decisions, ESPECIALLY one of that caliber, God's is and always will be the only opinion I care about.
If you want to know something about me, ask. If I feel comfortable telling you whatever it is you want to know, I'll tell you. But don't, for the love of my sanity, start some left-field rumor in a public forum based on a few pictures and a hunch.
I may not know it all, but I do know that's just not right.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Afterglow.
The days seem to be getting shorter. I can practically feel the dark of the night bleeding in slowly, absorbing the sunlight until each ray has dissipated into an endless sea of navy. A cold and repetitive finale to each 24-hour period. Not only that, but the time itself seems to be moving faster. Noticeably faster.
My dad always used to warn me it would, and now, I know exactly what he meant.
Decisions are swarming in my head like angry bees, some immediate, some impending. I'm stressed beyond any measure I've ever been stressed before. Words cannot actually convey the weight on my shoulders right now, but surprisingly, I've retained that optimistic attitude I've been working on, and I'm handling it well.
To give credit where credit is due and to transition from my cold introduction into my sunny outlook, God has been carrying the majority of the burden, masking all the stuff in my life that should terrify me and force me into the fetal position with constant reminders of His love.
I am so incredibly blessed, so very thankful to be alive.
Read this. It'll do your heart some good:
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalms 9:9-10
My dad always used to warn me it would, and now, I know exactly what he meant.
Decisions are swarming in my head like angry bees, some immediate, some impending. I'm stressed beyond any measure I've ever been stressed before. Words cannot actually convey the weight on my shoulders right now, but surprisingly, I've retained that optimistic attitude I've been working on, and I'm handling it well.
To give credit where credit is due and to transition from my cold introduction into my sunny outlook, God has been carrying the majority of the burden, masking all the stuff in my life that should terrify me and force me into the fetal position with constant reminders of His love.
I am so incredibly blessed, so very thankful to be alive.
Read this. It'll do your heart some good:
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalms 9:9-10
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Yesteryear.
If there's anything I've learned over my reflective, two-month anti-writing hiatus, it's that I am, in fact, a very bitter person. I am, truly. But as is with every revelation that manages to get past the denial stage, I'm going to work at it, and I'm going to make it right.
For the past year or so, I've built up quite a load of resentment towards people, not specific people, mind you, but rather, the world as a whole. In fact, for the majority of 2011, I had pretty much determined that I hated people. I was content with my little circle of tolerable individuals, and everyone beyond that was not my problem.
I remember early on in the year, when local elections were being held deciding that, despite being old enough, I wasn't going to vote. I couldn't care less about the national election, let alone any less-important figure heads that felt the need to compete for a position of power that I also couldn't care less about. My parents and I fought about it. They pulled the "it's your right" card, and I responded with the "not voting is also my right" card. It ended with them deeming me un-American and me satisfied that I'd stuck it to the man by showing a complete disinterest in the state of our so-called society.
It really only escalated from there. I left the church that I'd attended practically my entire life, disgusted with the hypocrisy and manipulation that had taken root. All that I'd once held dear and respected, people that I idolized, people that I loved...they were all dead to me. And I was completely and utterly unaffected. Not even Kristen Stewart could have demonstrated the extreme lack of emotion I had at the time. School too became an object of scorn. As far as I was concerned, it was just another nuisance of society that I could live without, so I let my grades slip. I skipped class and knowingly ignored homework assignments. I did just enough to get by. Mediocrity wasn't so bad, I'd decided.
Eventually, I let my anger build, and it filled in all the holes left from the pieces of my life I was cutting out and throwing away. I shut people out, I cut people down, and I became a bitter, negative person. It felt good, to be honest, that feeling of having no obligation to be anything or anyone for anyone, no motivation to improve or be better.
But recently, something has come over me.
I started a daily Bible devotional, and every night, it encouraged that I pray for something I truly needed in my life, so I did. I asked God for the same thing for weeks: clarity. After that, I started changing my attitude, investing my time in other things, and not...hating people. I know that's not really much of an accomplishment, but hey, it's something.
As I progressed through my nightly studies, I became more optimistic, almost sickeningly so. It wasn't like a light switch, on/off change, but it was certainly tangible. At first, I wanted to diagnose myself with some mental/emotional disorder, but now, I'd like to think it was just God doing what He does.
I came across a verse, 1 Peter 1:3, that I've adopted as my life verse for 2012.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who, according to His abundant mercy, has begotten us again to a living Hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
Hope. Hope. Hope. What a word.
The verse reminded me that I've got a lot to live for, a lot to be thankful for, and even more to be, well, happy about. It's a far cry from the world-hating cynic I've been lately, and for those of you who've felt the affects of that persona, I'm sorry that I've been such a crap face. Truly though, I'm trying my best, and it will get better with time.
For the past year or so, I've built up quite a load of resentment towards people, not specific people, mind you, but rather, the world as a whole. In fact, for the majority of 2011, I had pretty much determined that I hated people. I was content with my little circle of tolerable individuals, and everyone beyond that was not my problem.
I remember early on in the year, when local elections were being held deciding that, despite being old enough, I wasn't going to vote. I couldn't care less about the national election, let alone any less-important figure heads that felt the need to compete for a position of power that I also couldn't care less about. My parents and I fought about it. They pulled the "it's your right" card, and I responded with the "not voting is also my right" card. It ended with them deeming me un-American and me satisfied that I'd stuck it to the man by showing a complete disinterest in the state of our so-called society.
It really only escalated from there. I left the church that I'd attended practically my entire life, disgusted with the hypocrisy and manipulation that had taken root. All that I'd once held dear and respected, people that I idolized, people that I loved...they were all dead to me. And I was completely and utterly unaffected. Not even Kristen Stewart could have demonstrated the extreme lack of emotion I had at the time. School too became an object of scorn. As far as I was concerned, it was just another nuisance of society that I could live without, so I let my grades slip. I skipped class and knowingly ignored homework assignments. I did just enough to get by. Mediocrity wasn't so bad, I'd decided.
Eventually, I let my anger build, and it filled in all the holes left from the pieces of my life I was cutting out and throwing away. I shut people out, I cut people down, and I became a bitter, negative person. It felt good, to be honest, that feeling of having no obligation to be anything or anyone for anyone, no motivation to improve or be better.
But recently, something has come over me.
I started a daily Bible devotional, and every night, it encouraged that I pray for something I truly needed in my life, so I did. I asked God for the same thing for weeks: clarity. After that, I started changing my attitude, investing my time in other things, and not...hating people. I know that's not really much of an accomplishment, but hey, it's something.
As I progressed through my nightly studies, I became more optimistic, almost sickeningly so. It wasn't like a light switch, on/off change, but it was certainly tangible. At first, I wanted to diagnose myself with some mental/emotional disorder, but now, I'd like to think it was just God doing what He does.
I came across a verse, 1 Peter 1:3, that I've adopted as my life verse for 2012.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who, according to His abundant mercy, has begotten us again to a living Hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
Hope. Hope. Hope. What a word.
The verse reminded me that I've got a lot to live for, a lot to be thankful for, and even more to be, well, happy about. It's a far cry from the world-hating cynic I've been lately, and for those of you who've felt the affects of that persona, I'm sorry that I've been such a crap face. Truly though, I'm trying my best, and it will get better with time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)