Happiness > Hurt.

I know I've been mostly focused on Disney for the last few posts, but I came across something in my devotion this morning I felt was worth sharing:

"God didn't give us life so we could suffer. He suffered to give us life. Shake off the hateful and negative people in your life. You can love and pray for them at a distance. Always choose happiness over hurt."

Those words really struck me as I've always thought the goal was to salvage relationships and hang on regardless of what people put you through. But, as I'm beginning to understand more everyday, people take advantage of that attitude. Some people don't care for your happiness, only how you can increase their happiness. Some people find gratification in your failures and live to exploit your flaws.

God didn't design us to deal with that. He didn't intend for us to allow people into our lives who emotionally drain us and leech off of our happiness. God designed friendship as a bond between people of like mind, a bond of equality, not entitlement. He didn't intend for us to utilize our friends like stepping stools to be used to rise up and then discarded. Friendship is a mutual climb, a shared quest for happiness and bettering ourselves.

Pray for the clarity to discern between happiness and hurt. Pray for the strength to separate yourself from the people in the latter category and the integrity to pray that those people will find happiness of their own.
      

Stain.

In a moment, old memories can come flooding in, reawakening fears and reopening wounds to bleed once more.

A familiar pain returns to the mind just as piercing as it was then. It is unwelcome, but pain never needed permission. God only knows how many days were spent masking the regret, burying the emotions, finally and definitively moving on. Yet a voice, a solitary auditory disturbance in that one, accustomed frequency unravels those grave clothes, and yesterday becomes very much alive, very much current and relevant and affecting.

It subsides almost as quickly as it came, resounding in your ears one last time, a final reminder that it will never truly be gone. It is as much a part of you as you are a part of it. Repression, suppression, forgetting, remembering: there are no techniques, no quick fixes to ensure freedom from the memories.

Your life is stained.
                      

Afterglow.

The days seem to be getting shorter. I can practically feel the dark of the night bleeding in slowly, absorbing the sunlight until each ray has dissipated into an endless sea of navy. A cold and repetitive finale to each 24-hour period. Not only that, but the time itself seems to be moving faster. Noticeably faster.

My dad always used to warn me it would, and now, I know exactly what he meant.

Decisions are swarming in my head like angry bees, some immediate, some impending. I'm stressed beyond any measure I've ever been stressed before. Words cannot actually convey the weight on my shoulders right now, but surprisingly, I've retained that optimistic attitude I've been working on, and I'm handling it well.

To give credit where credit is due and to transition from my cold introduction into my sunny outlook, God has been carrying the majority of the burden, masking all the stuff in my life that should terrify me and force me into the fetal position with constant reminders of His love.

I am so incredibly blessed, so very thankful to be alive.

Read this. It'll do your heart some good:

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."


Psalms 9:9-10

Hope.

Ultimately, with every new life, there is a promise of death. This is fact.

But when a life is cut short, when that inevitable end comes sooner than expected, that's when we lose our grasp. There's no official guide that explains God's reasoning or His timing. Regardless of age or health, regardless of what state of life we're in, we can never truly be certain of how much time we have left.

As a Christian, I believe God can and will use the worst of situations to do wonderful, even beautiful things. However, until I meet my Maker face to face, I will never comprehend the purpose of a life cut short. In those situations, the best we can do is pray. We can pray that God gives the family peace, comforts them in their mourning, but beyond that, we're powerless. Some argue that it's not right to question God, but sometimes, it's inevitable. Sometimes, that one word is all that we think about, consuming us and forcing it's way through our lips, "Why?"

Sometimes, we spend long nights on our knees repeating that simple, unavoidable question.

But in the end, it's not always our place to know God's plan. That's what faith is for. Only through faith can we rest assured that He is in control, He does have a reason, and it is for the best, even if it doesn't always seem that way.

Faith, while fragile, is the structure that we must frame our lives with. Despite every obstacle, every tragedy we face, faith keeps us in check. Knowing there's a God who does, in fact, love us reassures us in the hardest of times. Though the tears may come and disfigure the path, blur our vision, God is there to pick us up, dust us off, and show us that the peace He brings surpasses anything this life can throw at us. Faith stirs within us something not everyone can claim.

Hope.

Hope which sprouts joy in the midst of our sorrow and pain. Joy that while a life was ended here on this earth, life has begun anew with the Creator, a perfect life devoid of physical pain and heartache, a life that can never be lost.

I love you Popaw, and I'm praying for you and your family. Hold tight to the memories you have of your precious sister, and take heart in the wonderful truth that, one day, you will see her again.
     

Heartbeat.

Ordinarily, I don't go psychoanalytical on people. I don't delve deep into the mind in search of answers to questions. Basically, I'm not the philisophical type.

But recently, I slipped up and paused, just for a moment, to consider the sheer complexity of life. Not life as in daily events and schedules but an actual living thing. This came about when my mom was cleaning out my brother's closet the other day, and amidst the pile of various items, there was a stethescope. After a few minutes, curiousity got the best of me, and I did something I hadn't done in years.

I listened to my heartbeat.

And following the theme of every other experience I've ever had, I was both humbled and overwhelmed.

Considering the fragility of a life, of my life, truly can't be expressed through words. God created every living, breathing thing with a precision and intricacy that cannot be duplicated. A life cannot come into existence without His consent.

As humans, we may try to exalt our kind above every other creature. We may think foolishly that we control the earth and all things on it. We may even make breakthroughs which give us a false sense of power, breakthroughs in science or medicine which extend our years and strengthen our bodies, but we will never, we can never obtain the life-giving power of Christ.

Through His power alone, each heart continues to beat.

Almost There.

Graduation supplies were passed out at school today, and it was pretty much a massive slap on the forehead for me. I'm actually going to graduate high-school. Granted, I've got four more years of learning ahead of me. College is just high-school with perks. I get that, I do. But it's a BIG step in this little thing I call life.

It's exhilarating, yet terrifying. Emotions are confusing like that.

However, while I'm anxious about the eminent woes of collegiate life, I will inevitably be the same person I am today. Just slightly taller and with more facial hair. I know it will be difficult, don't get me wrong.

I know I'll be facing new challenges, and I know I'll have to overcome new obstacles...

...but I'll be facing them with the same God who's seen me through thus far. And I have no doubt He will continue to do so.

How's Life? (September 2009 Edition.)

It's been rather busy lately, and scheduling time to blog really wasn't one of my top priorities. However, I have a little free time, and I intend to get everyone back up to speed.

Here's my week in a nutshell:

1) I've started physical therapy on my ankle which I injured during my family's deck building exploit. It's nothing intense, but there is a rather annoying electrode machine they use. It emits electric bursts that make my leg flip around spastically.

My mom finds it very comical. Me? Not so much.

2) Following suit with the personal injuries, I fractured my finger playing football...this was probably not a brilliant choice on my part, as I was playing with a twisted ankle.

Writing papers for my AP Literature and Composition class has never been more "challenging". I'm fairly certain someone recovering from a drug-induced coma would have better hand-writing than I currently possess.

3) My best friend since 5th grade and I have begun the planning process for our senior trip to none other than the glorious Walt Disney World Resort! For those of you who don't know me, or my best friend, Disney is basically our home away from home. I'm so unbelievably stoked about this trip that no earthly amount of exclamation points could ever express my excitement. It will be the "pièce de résistance" of our pre-college lives, and I can literally NOT stop thinking about it.

4) I've lost my train of thought, and can't recall what my fourth update was going to be...

...did I mention Disney World?