Testimony.

For the past few days or so, I've been down and out. I haven't become emo or anything else that requires dark makeup and death metal. It's, more or less, a conglomeration of several different things going on in my life right now, not just that horribly depressing blog I wrote yesterday. But I'm working through it, mostly me and God with a little advice thrown in from a few close friends.

I'm horrible at showing my emotions. I rarely do, and even when I do, I usually do a really crappy job at it. I've attempted to contain all my drama, offering fake smiles to conceal what I've been feeling. That's why, I think, this last little while has been so difficult for me. Wearing my emotions on my sleeves makes me unstable, even more so than I usually am.

Last night and for the majority of this morning, I prayed nonstop for God to show me what was wrong with me, to somehow bring me peace, joy even. At church today, I felt bitter and apathetic towards pretty much everyone I came into contact with. But God, in His usual way of fixing everything I've screwed up, spoke to me through the message. I'm not talking about the usual bull where you pretend that whatever was said was "just what you needed." This was straight up conviction.

Tim Lee, a retired Marine and Vietnam Veteran, spoke at church today. He gave his testimony, which tells the story of how he lost both of his legs to a landmine. He told his story with such passion and forcefulness that I felt compelled to listen. Despite how incredible his story was as a whole, the aspect that floored me was how God changed drastically changed his life in a matter of months. From a troubled teen rebelling against God, to a Marine, to a man without half of his body who loves God with all his heart. Tim was unbelievably encouraging, and his story only further proves that God can use anyone, even the broken and the abused.

I left church today realizing that all the problems in my life that I've spent so much time dwelling on are all in God's hands, they're so small compared to His power. Tim Lee's problems and struggles were so much worse than mine, even to the point of physically disabling him, but through God, he was able to live on, happy and serving. It showed me that whatever God has in store for me will come about, regardless of what this world throws at me. For the first time in quite awhile now, I was reminded what it means to be saved, what it means to have hope, and most importantly, what it means to be loved.
     

Give Thanks.

November is and will always be my favorite month.

The fall semester is winding down. For us Tennesseans, those atrocious heat waves die down and eventually end. The leaves are falling, and everything changes color, even the sky is tinted differently than before. The world just seems right.

And, of course, there's Thanksgiving, the mother of all feasts. Although, the food isn't what makes it so special to me. Thanksgiving truly is, for me, what it was originally intended to be. When our forefathers established the holiday that we know and love, they were setting aside a day to reflect on the positive and simply be thankful.

Thanksgiving is a personal time for me. It's when I do a little soul searching, when I come to terms with all that God has blessed me with, and when I realize how undeserving I am to be blessed at all. This may sound depressing, but if your really consider what we're celebrating, it's one of the most uplifting thoughts that will ever cross your mind.

God has blessed me with a wonderful family. I have two parents who love me unconditionally, who have always had my back and have never abandoned me.

I have two brothers who, regardless of how much I complain about them or fight with them, share with me a bond that won't ever go away.

That's not even counting my four wonderful grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and, of course, a whole truckload of cousins. So many people I love, people I am thankful for.

Outside of kin, I've got my friends as well. This includes my classmates and church family. Some of them are fairly new, others have been with me since we were little, and still yet, there are many I won't meet until later in my life. But no matter how long I've known them, God saw fit to make them a part of my life, and for that, I am thankful.

Even further, I give thanks for the material things as well: clothes, food, a roof over my head, a car that runs, and all the other things I constantly take for granted. All blessings, all undeserved, all God.

I know, to most people, Thanksgiving just means food, the Macy's parade, and Black Friday. It's a celebration that should be enjoyable, but it's much more than that. It always has been.

So this year, try something different. Give thanks.

One of those days.

Today, waking up was so totally worth it.

The Kia Forte Koup I was fawning over? It's in my garage now. Figuratively...

...technically, it's in my driveway where I park, but still. It's within 25 feet of my house and for that I am most certainly happy. I drove it around today, and called people via Bluetooth for absolutely no reason at all. My best friend and I took a mostly unneccessary trip to Walmart to prolong actually getting out of the car. Actually, each time I entered or exited the vehicle, I sat for about five minutes in silence with the engine off. Just dwelling on the fact that it's mine. MY car.

Honestly, I prayed at the beginning of this week that God would somehow bless me and remind me why I bother getting out of bed everyday, and remind me why I should try my hardest, and remind me that life isn't all guns and sadness. I asked Him to specifically show me why I should give a crap. I did. Seriously.

And He reminded me. All of a sudden I realized how much I appreciate my friends, my family, how much I appreciate my new car, and even to an EXTREMELY limited extent how I appreciate my school.

Once again, I am reminded that I am so so unbelievably blessed. Dang, He's good...

You've Got a Friend in Me.

Today was truly refreshing. Why? You might ask.

...because it was good.

If I've learned anything throughout these past four years, it's been to count my blessings. In my life, they're truly inumerable. I absolutely do NOT deserve what I have. I don't deserve the smallest fraction of what I have.

God is truly good to me. His love is the most awe-inspiring thing I've ever experienced.

He didn't have to bless me with an unbelievably amazing best friend who accepts me for who I am and knows me all too well (sometimes better than I know myself).

He didn't have to let us have an unbelievable day watching Disney movies, laughing non-stop, and singing at the top of our lungs in my car.

He didn't have to introduce us in fifth grade and allow this great relationship between us to ever come to be. He didn't have to do any of these things at all.

But He did.

And I could never be thankful enough.