Torn.

Lately, I've noticed it's really, REALLY difficult to let go of things. It's much easier to find justification for keeping them, or in some cases, it's easier to repress the thought from your mind entirely.

Unfortunately, I'm referring to my church. I know normally saying I'm too attached to my church to leave it yields an "Awwh!" reaction, but it's really not the case for me. It's far from it.

I've grown up a lot these past few years, and I am very capable of forming my own opinions and making my own decisions. Especially when it comes to matters involving God. All throughout this process, I've been in church, the same church I've attended most of my life. When I was younger, I saw it as this flawless gathering of worship and praise, but the naivety of childhood has dissipated along with that golden image in my head.

The church, I understand, runs in a similar manner to a business in that there are several jobs distributed among a hired staff, and as in every body of people, there is a chain of command. However, what's supposed to set the church apart from a business, among other things, is a strong sense of morality, something that the corporate world knows nothing of, and churches, for the most part, should move in the direction that the majority of the people want to move. Basically, they should share similar principles to that of a democracy.

My church used to be like that, or at least, I think it used to be, but times have changed. People have changed. Using the word corruption when describing an aspect of my own church leaves a thick, bitter taste in my mouth. I don't know how else to explain it though. Gradually, the chain of command in my church has been infiltrated by select members, some long-time members who are set in their ways. They've managed to acquire a staggering amount of influence over our pastor and our congregation as a whole.

I don't understand why or how this is allowed to continue, but it just doesn't feel right. Is it the fear of losing our history? Is it money? Is it all just a big numbers game?

Our youth group has little to no say in the affairs of our church, while these heavyweights make the decisions. Members are members. I don't recall reading in the Bible about how to separate the church into classes. We aren't a government, so why is there a power struggle among our people? Why is God's house becoming no more than a social club for maintaining yet another status quo?

And that's why I'm torn. The very place I go to learn what it is to be a Christian, is being run in a manner that I don't feel is very Christ-like. My WWJD bracelet is always there, glaring at me, and echoing it's age-old message in my head.  I pray, but there is no clear answer. Just silence.

I would appreciate prayers on this matter, but I know that I have to ultimately make the final decision to stay or go. Abandoning the people I've grown up with and the place that has been my home for so long is a terrifying thought, but reaching a point of spiritual stagnation because of prideful, unchanging people is just as scary.

Great Joy.

I've been unplugged for quite some time now, but the Christmas season has put me in a writing mood.

The holidays are somewhat cathartic when you think about it. Your time becomes solely devoted to the people you care about, the people you love. There's no set word or definition for labeling the joy you feel and share during the holidays. Granted, some people are Scrooges, but even old Ebeneezer came around eventually.

Everyone gets sidetracked at some point or another, we become bitter like the cold outside. Throughout the year, we've laughed, we've hurt, we've experienced, and by December, we've lost our steam. Just like the trees once bursting with life, the winter effects us to the core. Once a vibrant green, all that's left is a mass of gritty brown branches. Just like those branches, we're weak and we can break. Often we do break.

But that's where Christmas comes in. Christmas is a rejuvenation of the spirit. Unfortunately, it's easy to lose sight of what Christmas truly means, but at the center of this time, there will always exist a great Joy that deserves to be celebrated.

You know the story, I don't even have to retell it. But consider this:

Despite knowing He would be rejected, despite knowing He would ultimately have to die, despite knowing He would have to experience every horrible pain this world has to offer, even the bitter winters...

...Jesus chose to be born that night. Jesus chose you, over Himself.

"Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy." Those words never sounded so sweet.

Vocabulary.

Through the years, I have come across many words that are, to put it plainly, unorthodox.

I'm not referring to those four-letter bombs scrawled on bathroom walls and school desks all across America. I'm talking about the crap you accidentally made up by fusing two or more syllables together that are not otherwise joined anywhere else in the English dictionary. That, or in some cases, it's just a normal word said with a particular intonation. Regardless, I find them hilarious and often useful. The majority of them I picked up from friends and family members, but some of them I actually invented myself.


Hajabaja - (pronounced hah-jah-bah-jah) the sound which represents the incoherent ramblings of siblings, parents, teachers, and/or aliens.

Example: I barely understood a word of that lecture. The whole thing sounded like, "Hajabaja."


SHOCKING - (pronounced shah-keeng) said in an operatic voice, this term is used sarcastically in reference to anything typical or rather unsurprising.


Example: Great, I failed another quiz. SHOCKING.


Loopean - (pronounced loo-pee-un) spoken or written word which surpasses the depth and profound resonance of Shakespeare himself. The term was named for the greatest English teacher in the world, Mr. Loope.


Example: This essay is perfect, practically Loopean.


Sharon - (pronounced share-un) name given to any middle-aged woman with obviously fake, Sharon Osbourne-esque, maroon hair.


Example: Oh my, Sharon's hair is hurting my eyes.

Lolasaurus - (pronounced ell-oh-ell-uh-sor-us) an exclamation, for describing something so ridiculous or hilarious that "lol" just isn't enough.

Example: Justin Bieber is getting his own movie? Lolasaurus!

Profanicize - (pronounced pro-fan-i-syze) the act of cursing, coined by the famous Dr. Jean Morgan Harper.


Example: I know I did NOT just hear you profanicize in church!