A few days ago, I was given a glorious, shining opportunity to utter the cosmic words, "I told you so." But strangely enough for the first time in my life, I didn't take advantage of it.
As much as I wanted to cram it down my idiotic (former) friend's throat, I didn't. I couldn't. Some people are just so helplessly lost that depriving them of that last ounce of dignity seems criminal. This was one of those cases.
I could have sat down and listed every single thing that I was right about, made a chart of how this person's ignorance has grown over the years, and blatently revealed every horrible, awful thought I've ever had about them. And believe me, I wanted to. I wanted so badly to emotionally destroy this person for all of the crap they've done and put me through. All the crap that I warned them about, that others warned them about. However, something held me back.
Pity, perhaps? Self-control? God?
Honestly, I believe the prior friendship we had was the solitary force clamping my teeth down on my tongue, but there's no telling the true reason behind my actions.
Such opportunities as this don't come around often, and I completely missed this one. I just couldn't justify it. I still can't. Merely thinking of how much devestation I could've caused makes me feel horrible. Although I didn't do anything, I could have, and I came very close to doing so.
But holding back, I believe, was the right choice. Considering the massively different outcomes each choice would've produced is mind-blowing.
And through this experience, I am again reminded of the unrivaled power...
...of words.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Movin' on up.
I'm collegiate, officially.
And despite the impending flood of stress and emotion these next four years are going to throw at me, I think I might just be ready.
I've straightened things out, and God's got my back on this. I'm sure of it this time.
UTK, hit me with your best shot.
And despite the impending flood of stress and emotion these next four years are going to throw at me, I think I might just be ready.
I've straightened things out, and God's got my back on this. I'm sure of it this time.
UTK, hit me with your best shot.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Lost.
I can't shake this feeling that I'm lost.
Lately, everything that I do has some element of uncertainty attached to it. I don't know what my goals are, I don't know what my future holds, and I am most definitely lacking in the faith department right now. I'm sick to my stomach just considering how incredibly lost I am.
God has always been there for me, directing my life in the way which I thought it was supposed to go. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't really know who I am, nor who I want to be. For the longest time, I've done what I felt was neccessary to succeed, to survive. Never once have I considered what I need to thrive. Which, I'm certain, God has laid out for me.
But I'm all talk, or all text as it were. I can sit here and reiterate again and again the importance of trusting in Christ. I can make it bold, put it in italics, underline it, and color it pink, but at the end of the day I will still be a backslidden hypocrite who doesn't take the time to consider how inevitably true the words on this page are. I'm decieving myself by saying I'll practice what I preach, by saying I'll change.
In all actuality, I'll brush it aside and feel no remorse.
This can't go on any longer. It has to stop. I have to face the inescapable truth that regardless of what I say, 90% of the time, I'm doing what David wants. Not what God wants. This hole inside of me is going to continue to eat away at me, not because I don't have God, but because I've pushed Him away. So very far away.
My relationship with Christ has gradually fallen down my priority list, and I realize now that it should be my number one priority. Nothing is greater, higher, or more important than His presence in my life. I need it now more than ever. Because honestly, without it, I'm alone.
Outside of God, I have nothing to offer this world, and this world has nothing to offer me. For what would it benefit a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Lately, everything that I do has some element of uncertainty attached to it. I don't know what my goals are, I don't know what my future holds, and I am most definitely lacking in the faith department right now. I'm sick to my stomach just considering how incredibly lost I am.
God has always been there for me, directing my life in the way which I thought it was supposed to go. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't really know who I am, nor who I want to be. For the longest time, I've done what I felt was neccessary to succeed, to survive. Never once have I considered what I need to thrive. Which, I'm certain, God has laid out for me.
But I'm all talk, or all text as it were. I can sit here and reiterate again and again the importance of trusting in Christ. I can make it bold, put it in italics, underline it, and color it pink, but at the end of the day I will still be a backslidden hypocrite who doesn't take the time to consider how inevitably true the words on this page are. I'm decieving myself by saying I'll practice what I preach, by saying I'll change.
In all actuality, I'll brush it aside and feel no remorse.
This can't go on any longer. It has to stop. I have to face the inescapable truth that regardless of what I say, 90% of the time, I'm doing what David wants. Not what God wants. This hole inside of me is going to continue to eat away at me, not because I don't have God, but because I've pushed Him away. So very far away.
My relationship with Christ has gradually fallen down my priority list, and I realize now that it should be my number one priority. Nothing is greater, higher, or more important than His presence in my life. I need it now more than ever. Because honestly, without it, I'm alone.
Outside of God, I have nothing to offer this world, and this world has nothing to offer me. For what would it benefit a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
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